Conference Class Exercise Story: Dear upperclassmen, perhaps freshmen are actually important

With a bottle of liquor near at hand, and a Trump 2016 button pinned to his shirt, a top USF administrator told student journalists that USF has an excellent reputation that needs to be protected, even if it means metaphorically putting a gun to the head of some academically weak students to scare them away.

“This is a competitive university,” Dr. Russ Winters, University Director of Institutional Advancement said, also suggesting that faculty who aren’t willing to be tough and challenging towards students should find work elsewhere. “We need people with brains and with balls,” he said.

According to Winters, in order to rank alongside schools with higher retention rates and receive better national recognition, weak first semester freshmen at USF would have to be persuaded by faculty to drop out before late September, when retention rate numbers become official. If this is not done, Winters says “USF is not going to get to the next level.” 

Winters voiced his concerns with the University’s lower retention rates last night at an USF Executive Council meeting. Today, Winters spoke at a news conference to clear up rumors that have been spreading about said meeting.